Obama Beats The War Drum

It was OK to kill 100k Syrians with guns and rockets for 2 years. Then about a year ago Obama claimed a red line had been crossed and there would be hell to pay for a certain Syrian dictator named Bashar al-Assad (not that there’s any shortage of dictators we’re all chummy with all over the world, now and past) and now he’s all resentful and pissed off and trying to act macho and shit because the American people, the US Congress, the Brits, NATO, the UN and everybody else tells him to back off and stop being a hypocrite, and Putin thinks he’s a girly man. He’s been such a wuss for so long I suspect he’s overcompensating.

We were quite happy to look the other way while upwards of a million Tutsis were massacred by Hutus in Rwanda back in the 90s. We’re still pretending we’re not aware of what’s going on in Somalia or Kongo. But they didn’t use gas or guns, just machetes, so international law probably wasn’t even violated. But now we have the Patriot Act and the Dept. of Homeland Security and the NSA that are so busy spying on its own citizens it’s even doubtful we have theĀ  the power to punish Syria with an already thinly spread imperialistic military. Anything and everything we do can and will be justified in the name of national security. I’m just thinking out loud here.

I wonder if a dead Arab cares if he was killed with poison gas, a bullet, a machete or a poorly aimed drone.

No matter how you spin it, what England, France, the US and other western powers dicked around with in the Middle East and south-west Asia, Central- and South America and Africa over the course of the last century, had unintended consequences that are now coming home to haunt us. Yes, I said it, we are not without blame in the political clusterfuck that is going on right now.

Like most 2nd term presidents Obama is more concerned with his “legacy” than getting shit done. I bet he’s going through designs for his Presidential Library as we speak.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m disappointed with his performance and don’t think he is a particularly good president, but he’s not exceptionally bad either. Generic, perhaps, except for him being black? He would make a good Ken doll. I voted for him twice and don’t regret it. But I was naive in thinking electing the first black president would make America a better place. I was wrong. It only brought the scum that had been hibernating for 40-or-so years out from under their rocks, more vile, hateful and belligerent than ever. But that’s a topic that deserves its own post.

Breaking News! Assad Shown The Door By US Military

The United States Unilaterally Attacks Syria!

US conquer damascus

US troops proudly raising the flag of liberty over the smoldering ruins of Damascus. Stock image. Not intended to depict actual event.

Recently turned hawkish president Barack Obama grabbed his newly discovered sack yesterday and ordered a full on attack on Bashar al-Assad’s armed forces in an attempt to put an end to Syria’s bloody civil war.

Patriot missiles were launched from US warships in the Mediterranean leaving the Presidential Palace in Damascus (aka Syria’s White House) a smoldering ruin. The dictator’s whereabouts, or even if he is alive, is unknown at this point, a spokesman from the Pentagon reportedly said.

Simultaneous air strikes where carried out against all known depots of chemical weapons, fingers crossed and hoping that the raids won’t disperse the chemicals and make a bad situation even worse. The good news is that in such an eventuality no US pants will be on the ground and local civilians will just have to tough it out.

American fighter planes in a coordinated attack.also effectively grounded the Syrian air force in a massive strike taking out more than 90% of the dictator’s war planes.

In a speech just a few minutes ago President Obama said that America’s actions were legally and morally justified since the “international norm” post World War II is that you can’t carry out mass killings of a civilian population. This norm was established after the US targeted two large cities in Japan and dropped the only atomic bombs to ever be used in wartime on hundreds of thousands of designated civilian Japs. Less a crime of war, it was considered by American top brass, politicians and scientists as a lab experiment. A successful lab experiment; who’s gonna dare fuck with us now? Historians have long since vindicated Harry Truman. The legal council in the White House is in the process of drawing up a whitepaper legitimizing the president’s actions. He added that we will be greeted as liberators.

Both Russia and China have condemned the United States’ unilateral action in the UN and say that America has brought the entire region to the brink of a conflagration that may be impossible to put out. Iran’s president Hassan Rouhani says the Zionists in Washington have gone too far this time. The Iranian military has been mobilized and there are unconfirmed reports of nuclear missiles being aimed at Israel to “wipe the Zionist dogs off the map once and for all” coming from unnamed Iranian sources close to the clerical rulers. The American ambassador to the UN countered with a statement that America will take “all and every necessary precautions” to stop Iranian aggression. He finished his statement by saying “the US doesn’t need anybody’s stinking permission to do the whatever she wants”.

The long and arduous process of rebuilding Syria to a functioning democracy based on American principles of freedom and liberty will begin once the dust settles, Obama added, saying that thousands of US troops must be committed to the task possibly lasting over a decade or more, and billions of dollars will have to be spent. Using executive privilege he declared all civilian contracts non-bid and gave them to Halliburton and Blackwater who immediately subcontracted them to friends and family. He did not speculate as to the exact amount, but said the money presses at the Federal Reserve are in the process of being upgraded and overhauled, plans for quantitative easing on an unprecedented scale are being finalized and you can pretty much kiss any hopes of tax relief goodbye.

This is a breaking story and we will update as it develops. Not a word of it is true. Yet. Sit tight and don’t switch channels as I shake my magic snow globe.


A half hour ago EST Israel launched a pre-emptive nuclear strike against Iran’s capital city of Tehran.

What used to be Tehran.

What used to be Tehran.

Within minutes the Israeli launch was detected and Iran retaliated with a nuclear attack on Tel Aviv. Based on the half-life of weapons-grade Uranium, Israeli beaches in the area will be inaccessible for quite some time.

tel aviv nuke

Armageddon finally reaches the Holy Land in the form of a nuclear bomb from Iran

A guy down the road from where I live, on condition that we preserve his anonymity, commented hastily that America now seems to be caught between a rock and a really, fucking hard place, as he rushed to the store to buy ammo, beef jerky, bottled water and iodine tablets.


The Pope has declared that God has deemed that the situation in the Middle-East qualifies as the Rapture. If you are reading this message you are not one of the chosen. The Pope himself was also left behind and was later found having committed apparent suicide by hanging himself from the shower curtain rod in the papal bathroom while performing an act of auto-erotic asphyxiation.


The Antichrist is having a field day with us who are left behind. Earlier predictions that the boogey man would be Obama turned out to be inaccurate. The real Angel Of Darkness is now confirmed to be Donald Trump, as all signage on his properties abruptly changed from TRUMP to 666. Hell will be watching reruns of The Apprentice for all eternity