A Priori Good Housekeeping: A Rule

It is a self-evident truth (meaning I can’t believe I fucking have to point this out) that:

If an object has no monetary value, and if that object has no sentimental value, and if that object has no utility value — if all three of these conditions are met; if you already own this object, you should throw it out. If you do not own such an object, but see one for sale, or for free at the side of the road, you should not purchase it, take it, accept it, or otherwise assume possession of it.

Also, it follows (not by strict logical rules, but by spousal fiat which is just as valid) that if a person encounters such an object, or any accumulation of such objects, in his1 residence, belonging to his spouse, and his spouse does not respond to requests to get rid of it, he has the right to dispose of it in any manner he sees fit. The offended spouse (the victim) may apply domestic discipline at his discretion to restore marital tranquility and balance to the Universe.

Summary of thoughts: Don’t keep shit just because.

Don't let this be your house. (Picture source: The Internet.)

Don’t let this be your house. (Picture source: The Internet.)


  1. Pronouns in this paragraph are not chosen at random.

Vacation Time

My wife finally took a week’s much deserved and needed vacation from her demanding job as chief bunker (fuel) buyer for a leading Greek shipping company. She has spent 100% of it (waking hours only, of course) swearing like an angry, drunken sailor under the hood of her 1996 Ford Ranger. Good times. Right up there with our early ’90s three-week trip to Izmir (formerly Smyrna of classical antiquity, currently ground zero for suicidal Syrian refugees launching the invasion of Europe) in Turkey, including a three-day excursion to historical Ephesus with its well preserved Roman ruins, walking – quite literally – in the footsteps of St Paul.

Ephesus, Turkey vacation ca 1994

Ephesus, Turkey vacation ca 1992.

Ford Ranger vacation 2015.

Ford Ranger vacation 2015.

Men vs Women – That Age Old Question

“Most men lead lives of quiet desperation …” or so some famous poet said. Does this apply to women as well or are they just pretty, but shallow, receptacles for our sperm, baby incubators, put on Earth to exacerbate the existential desperation of men?

Charter Communications Sucks!

Our local Internet/cable provider, Charter Communications (which is the only option in our area due to a corrupt system – if you want to  watch TV and have Internet you get it from Charter or not at all), have been running a lot of TV commercials lately touting how their service is better than anyone else’s (Verizon, Comcast, Dish Network and what have you) even though they have no competition in our area, effectively a monopoly. Well, THEY’RE LYING. I’d rate their service one step above smoke signals. I’m sitting here waiting for a service rep for the umpteenth time to come to my house, pretend to look things over, shrug his shoulders and say everything looks good. Two minutes after he leaves my Internet will die and God only knows when it will be back.

State Of The What?

Anybody watching the constitutionally mandated infotainment show on TV tonight? I’ve just gotten into binge watching The Killing on Netflix (no affiliate link), so I don’t know. The Killing has an interesting plot that keeps you guessing, but is very low key and understated, kinda slow moving and dark themed. The show on The Hill, conversely, is noisy, fast paced and glamorous, but the acting isn’t very convincing; like a scripted reality show (I say this based on previous experience). It’s a tossup. I could go either way. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m on the fence about the whole thing. Choices, just too many goddamn choices on TV these days. Not really. They guy (gal?) who invented DVR is probably doing quite well financially.

state-of-the-union-2014

Paid actors rehearsing the pre-game show of the State of the Union Speech.

Social Media Madness

Google home (search page) serves up an image of birthday cakes, candles and party paraphernalia for me today with the alt. text “Happy Birthday [my acct. name]“ instead of their regular logo.  I feel violated in a privacy kind of way, not to mention that the picture and message are auto-generated and not heartfelt at all. Larry and Sergei don’t even know that I exist.This web 2.0 shit is getting out of hand. I’m hoping for someone to invent web 3.0 that puts the user back in the driver’s seat and runs Google+, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, Tumblr, Schmumblr, Bumblr and what have you out of fucking business.

Energy Dependency – A Common Sense Solution

Sitting at my desk I can hear the sweet, sweet sound of leaf blowers from all over the place. Right now, at this very moment, more gasoline is being consumed in America for the single purpose of leaf blowing than the total output of any random mid-sized European democracy. That’s a fact that I just made up and pulled out of my ass.

If everybody dumped their leaf blowers we would immediately see the following benefits:

  • We wouldn’t have to listen to the infernal racket of leaf blowers all day, every day throughout the fall season.
  • America would attain energy independence overnight.
  • An instant, sharp increase in heart attacks resulting from unfit people cleaning up their yards the old fashioned way, thus culling the population and freeing up money for health care for the rest of us.
  • On a longer time scale Americans would be more fit and healthy as a result of the exercise derived from manual labor, further easing the burden of healthcare on the national budget.
  • The Home Depot and Lowes would probably go out of business, creating a vacuum in the market that would quickly be filled by the very same independent stores they put out of business in the first place. Karma/circle of life.
  • All the illegal Mexicans would self deport.
  • The sea levels would start retreating.

I’d say that’s killing a flock of seagulls with a single stone. Now where’s my Nobel Prize in something?

Karl Marx vs. Bryan Cranston Comparative Studies

As much as I like Breaking Bad (the final half-season was a bit contrived, I thought) and with no disrespect to Bryan Cranston, Karl Marx’ footprint in history will be much greater than Cranston’s.

Those in the know will know what I’m talking about.

marx-vs-cranston