It’s called the Holiday (read: Christmas) Season, numbnuts. Love Jesus & spend money and shit. The only way to Heaven is by being a good consumer. Your choice: Spend like your life depends on it (and it does) or eternal damnation and suffering in Hell. Jesus loves you, but not for free. It’s called capitalism. You can’t have Christmas without Christ.
This is the traditional way of felling a tree for Christmas in Norway. And they say Americans are gun crazed. That was a pretty scrawny tree, if you ask me. Yet another reason to ban xmas.
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Ted Bundy.
Ted Bundy who?
Let me in, meat!
No!
I mean… Hello I am Santa Claus.
Yay! Santa!
Now tell me that wasn’t hysterically funny!
Norwegians are experiencing a butter shortage. This is big, important news; even Al Jazeera is reporting on it. Bad as this is (Norwegians love their butter), it happens at the worst possible time – right before Christmas – when butter is needed the most for traditional Christmas cookie baking. I say it’s a gift from the gods in The War On Christmas. Go Vinterblot!
Just watched Obama’s Christmas tree-lighting ceremony. We just lost a battle in the war on Christmas. While he did utter the word Holiday, the word Christmas flowed freely from his mouth, as did talk about Jesus, angels and God, and how this teaches us good morals.
So clearly the Prez is giving in to all the Jesus freaks who are upset about secularizing the “holidays” (the same people stampeding Wal-Mart on Black Friday). I guess seeing the election on the horizon has a funny effect on politicians. Seldom have I had so high hopes for someone only to be so bitterly disappointed later on.
I’m considering boycotting the whole election. Go OWS!