For those of you who were passed out in a drug induced coma yesterday, or were otherwise mentally incapacitated and unable to follow the news, a royal baby was born in England to the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, otherwise known as Prince William and the former commoner, now his wife, Duchess Catherine (commonly known as Kate Middleton or just Kate from the block). The baby is apparently healthy and is possibly the most privileged child in the world. If everything goes according to plan he will ascend the British throne to reign over his subjects in 40-50 years’ time. “Reign” and “subjects” are not used flippantly; this is actually how it works in England.

The world went completely, certifiably apeshit over the event. I, personally, am totally and utterly flabbergasted with the obsession people have for the barbaric, archaic, positively medieval institution of monarchy, particularly the British variety, which is hereditary (duh!) in nature and a person, thus, by virtue of the arbitrariness of his/her parents becomes England’s official head of state, armed forces and the Anglican church. The child also inherits vast fortunes in money as well as real estate. Below is a video of the Town Crier(!) outside St. Mary’s Hospital in London announcing the birth to the public. It is comical and nonsensical beyond belief. These people act as if they still have an empire.

EDIT: Turns out this guy wasn’t for real after all. He just showed up on his own initiative at the hospital doing his spiel as the town crier. He makes a living entertaining at weddings, birthdays, Bar Mitzvahs and such.

Also, but not in the news, yesterday, roughly 370,000 children were born worldwide, most of them into lives of poverty and misery. Approximately 21,000 children died, many from easily preventable diseases, malnutrition or as victims of war, terrorism and other forms of abuse. God save the Queen. Thoughts and prayers, anyone?