Kim Jong Il Dead

The US is to unleash nuclear hellfire upon North-Korea in a pre-emptive strike against the rogue nation now that the Highest Incarnation of the Revolutionary Comradely Love is dead. His son, designated successor and Weight Watchers ‘before’ model, Kim Jong-un, is viewed by the US too be too much of an unknown entity, and sources close to the president and the Joint Chiefs say the consensus is better to glassify the entire nation than to take any chances. Most people there lead miserable lives anyway. So huddle under your desks and prepare for a rough ride. Remember, you heard it here first.