Happy Turkey Day everybody. Take a moment to self-reflect and give thanks for everything that makes your life happy:

Thank you Lord Jesus for coming down from Heaven and sacrificing your life so I can have salvation. No. That’s a different holiday.

Here we go again:

I’m thankful for pre-Black Friday sales, Black Friday sales and Cyber Monday sales. I’m thankful for our culture of consumerism that makes the American way of life possible. And the Indians who saved the pilgrims.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

(Oh, and let’s not forget all the turkeys that had to die so we can be happy today. Please observe one minute of silence for all our feathered brethren who selflessly gave their lives in pursuit of our happiness. One-Mississippi, two-Mississippi, three-Mississippi, four-Mississippi, five-Mississippi…)

An artist’s rendition of a turkey. Picture credit: An artist specializing in turkey pictures.