Energy Dependency – A Common Sense Solution

Sitting at my desk I can hear the sweet, sweet sound of leaf blowers from all over the place. Right now, at this very moment, more gasoline is being consumed in America for the single purpose of leaf blowing than the total output of any random mid-sized European democracy. That’s a fact that I just made up and pulled out of my ass.

If everybody dumped their leaf blowers we would immediately see the following benefits:

  • We wouldn’t have to listen to the infernal racket of leaf blowers all day, every day throughout the fall season.
  • America would attain energy independence overnight.
  • An instant, sharp increase in heart attacks resulting from unfit people cleaning up their yards the old fashioned way, thus culling the population and freeing up money for health care for the rest of us.
  • On a longer time scale Americans would be more fit and healthy as a result of the exercise derived from manual labor, further easing the burden of healthcare on the national budget.
  • The Home Depot and Lowes would probably go out of business, creating a vacuum in the market that would quickly be filled by the very same independent stores they put out of business in the first place. Karma/circle of life.
  • All the illegal Mexicans would self deport.
  • The sea levels would start retreating.

I’d say that’s killing a flock of seagulls with a single stone. Now where’s my Nobel Prize in something?

The Bill Of Rights – 1st Amendment To The US Constitution

“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.”

This is the 1st Amendment to the US Constitution, most noted for guaranteeing us the right of free expression and freedom of religion (separation of church and state). It also gives you the right to petition the government with any grievances you might have.

police pepper spraying students

An example of law enforcement respecting your right to peaceful assembly according to the 1st Amendment to the US Constitution. The name of the cocksucker with the spray can is John Pike. Picture credit: Public domain, bitch!

You can do this in person (actually travel physically to Washington D.C. and knock on your congressman’s door), via snail mail, or, these days, most commonly electronically via email or the representative’s/senator’s website. The most effective way to catch the president’s attention is by starting a petition on

Rest assured that your message will never reach the president’s desk and no matter how many co-signers you can gather it will never change policy. It’s all pretend! Your petition, in a best case scenario, will be filed away on a server and maybe in a distant future studied by presidential historians. Your email address will be saved for future spam campaigns begging for money. Worst case scenario, men in black with dark shades and bulges under their coats driving black SUVs with tinted glass will show up at your house wanting to “ask a few questions”. Be polite.

There is one exception to this rule: if your petition is accompanied by a huge wad of cash you might get through. But it has to be a lot of money. More than you have or will ever earn in your lifetime. It needs to be big corporation-sized contributions (aka “bribes”). Because after SCOTUS’ ruling that corporations are people and money is speech the playing field has been knocked even more out of kilter than it used to be. Mr Smith no longer goes to Washington. Just doesn’t happen. The only time high ranking elected representatives, including the president, are interested in you and your opinion, is in the lead-up to an election when they will lie through their teeth, contradict themselves in the same sentence, and make any kind of bogus promise to court you and your vote in order to keep their jobs. It’s never too late to make statements that are not meant to be taken factually (meaning it’s OK to lie if the intent is to get your support on election day).


A business man petitioning his elected representative (or former US Senator from Idaho Larry Craig seconds before he got busted in the men’s rest room at the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport, I forget which). Picture credit: Really?

I know I’m beating a dead horse here, and that I’ve said this many times before, but it bears repeating: the United States is a two-party dictatorship where we elect (not by the “one-man-one-vote” model as you are lead to believe) a mostly reasonably benevolent, but crooked to the bone, pseudo-dictator and congressional lieutenants (that’s mobster hierarchy terminology), with term limits.

And the only way to win is with money. Lots of it. Billions of dollars per election cycle. You, and I mean this quite seriously, don’t play any significant part in this process. Half of eligible voters are so disillusioned with the process that they don’t even bother to vote. If more of us did, we might be able to change shit. American exceptionalism.

I’ve quoted this a few times before, and I will keep on doing so until it’s fixed, or I die, the latter being the most likely scenario. I just hope it won’t be in prison.

“It must be fun to watch a president run, just ask the man who owns one.”
~ Steppenwolf, from the album/song Monster

john kay steppenwolf

Please note that the front man of Steppenwolf, John Kay, was born in, and fled East Germany with his mother as a child. Not saying it carries any significance that a man who escaped a truly, bonafide, brutal and deadly dictatorship later became a rock star who wrote the greatest protest song ever written against the corrupt regime in his new, adopted country. Just think about it, is all I’m asking.

God bless y’all and these United States of America!

Disclaimer: This posting is for entertainment purposes only and in no way should be taken as a a call to overthrow the legally elected government, for which I have only the deepest respect.

Poor Norwegian Car Owner (Stakkars Norske Bileier)

You think owning a car can be a PITA in America? Than check out this car-for-sale ad from Norway. Yeah, you gotta get Google to translate it for you, but it’ll be even funnier that way.


Renault Kangoo 1.4 Drittbil 1998, 185 000 km, kr 8 585,-

Bilen er reservert ut dagen idag 14.12.2011 !!
Takk for all sympati og medfølelse!!

Nå er jeg såå … lei dette fremkomstmiddelet, det har ikke vært annet enn problemer fra jeg kjøpte den!!

Jeg hadde knapt kjøpt den for to-tre år siden da registerreima gikk. Hadde jeg visst bedre så hadde jeg knust hele objektet med slegge der og da.
Men tror du det?…Neida. Stakkars objekt…trengte jo EU-kontroll også. Så Judasen skreik seg til:

Overhalt topp pga alle ventiler så ut som spørsmålstegn.(reimer og vannpumpe) Nye bremser/bremserør
Katalysator til 6000,- Diverse som jeg har fortrengt.

Gikk ikke lenge før den ble lei seg igjen, så etter det har den fått trøst med hjulager foran, forstillingskontroll og ny frontrute. Fortsatt litt sur…så nylig har den fått ny drivaksling. Burde egentlig tatt drivakslingen og tråkka den så langt opp i eksosanlegget på den at den kom ut luftfilteret.

Drivakslingen må tydeligvis ha irritert han, for jeg kjørte ikke mange meter før den falt sammen pga defekt fjæring bak på ene side. Nå står den der, og jeg synes ikke lengre synd på den.

Objektet selges som den står, som et reparasjonsobjekt for dem med spesielle lyster. På taket er det en dockingstasjon slik at eventuelle romskip kan kople seg på. Dette ville jo være en sensasjon med unike inntjeningsmuligheter.
Kan alternativt brukes for båt, rulle i bakkant.

Følger med to felgsett vil jeg si, da dekkene gjør seg best som skosåler. Ac har jeg aldri brukt, men tror det må etterfylles gass. Inne i objektet så sitter det en timer mellom setene. Tror dette er noe Webasto-greier, aldri brukt det pga av at jeg er av den kaldblodige typen.

Hvis man klokelig holder seg borte fra å kjøpe metallhaugen, så kan eventuelt deler plukkes. Mulig dere må gjøre det selv, er ikke sikkert jeg kan ta i den.

Vet ikke hva mere negativt jeg kan si om objektet nå, helt unik..må bare oppleves!!

Sitter langt inne å si dette: Kjøpt pga av at den er utrolig romslig, og setene kan på 5 sekunder felles fremover, og du har plass som i en varebil. Lavt forbruk.

Forbehold om feil i annonsen.

Håper ingen kjøper den egentlig, for da skal jeg høre med høggern om ikke jeg kan få lov til å presse den. Hadde sikkert gjort seg i et øvingsfelt for Stridsvogner også. Kom gjerne med andre forslag!