Gun Nuts Go Crazy Over Jim Carrey’s Blasphemous Spoof Of Charlton Heston

Gun nuts all over America are getting their knickers in a twist over comedian Jim Carrey’s Charlton Heston spoof and mockery of gun nuts, rednecks and hillbillies. Guys, you need to unclench, pull out the stick and relax. Even shit aimed at you can be funny. And this is. Funny as hell. Life is too short, if you know what I mean. (Click the expand button in the lower right corner to minimize the impact of the annoying iTunes ad.)

Accidental Racist – A Story Of Four T-Shirts – If You Wear One, You Are One

Brad Paisley and LL Cool J recently teamed up to release the song “Accidental Racist” in an effort to cure racism in America and bring the Country and Western crowd and the Rap people closer together. Good intentions, yes? Maybe…

Not being much of a fan of either C&W or rap I think the song stinks from a musical point of view. Much worse, however, is that it completely fails as a Kumbaya piece and makes a mockery of our nation’s history, comes very strongly across as an apologia for Southern racism, and stereotypes blacks as saggy-pantsed gangstas.

The theme of the song is a black Starbucks barista who is offended by a rebel-flag t-shirt wearing patron. We find out through the song that it’s just a big misunderstanding on both sides, the t-shirt only means the redneck likes Lynyrd Skynyrd, we should all hug and try to respect each others’ backgrounds and  just get along.

Well, it ain’t that simple. The flag of the Confederate states was conceived solely as a symbol for those who so hated the idea of giving up their right to own African-Americans as chattel, that they were willing to go to war and secede from the Union. It is just as disingenuous to brandish the rebel flag and claim racial innocence based on “southern pride”, “cultural heritage” and other such nonsense as it would be for someone to fly the Swastika and say it’s just a symbol of Alpen Pride or Lederehosen History. Worse, actually, because the swastika is an ancient symbol hijacked by Nazis; the rebel rag has never meant anything other than white supremacy and enslavement of blacks.

There is no substantive difference between the four t-shirts pictured below. If you wear either one, you are all of them.

If you wear this you are a racist.  slavery-tshirtIf you wear this you are a racist.  jews--tshirt

Chickenfoot does Deep Purple’s “Highway Star” — Better?

It would be sacrilege if I said it so I won’t (but I will), but this is fucking awesome! The creators get 1st Honors, however. Deep Purple has a special place in my heart (if not in The Rock & Roll Hall of F(Sh)ame); I’ve seen them live with the most classic of Deep Purple classic lineups, so this isn’t a put-down, but I’m not afraid to say that Satch can play circles around Blackmoore any day of the week. Chickenfoot is a band that’s not Deep Purple, with no keyboards, playing a Deep Purple classic and making it sound better than Deep Purple with keyboards! There, I said it, so now I’ll have to cut out my tongue. Hate away.

Margaret Thatcher Dead. Finally?

The former Prime Minister of the UK, Margaret Thatcher has died of stroke. I don’t really have strong feelings one way or the other (I got that from Jeremy Irons). I remember her well, though. She killed the labor unions in England and kicked Argentina’s ass in the South-Atlantic over a shitty little island that really should belong to Argentina; a vestige of British imperialism. She also, reportedly, had the hots for our own demi-god of the era, President Ronald Reagan. Her bio-pic was a bore. From what I’ve heard she was somewhat of a bitch. I can believe that. Good riddance, perhaps? I really don’t know. Or care.

Can’t We All Just Fucking Get Along?

Gay rights, marriage equality, universal health care, gun rights, NRA, Bloomberg, Piers Morgan, twenty dead kids in Sandy Hook, abortion, female reproductive rights, pedophile priests, senate filibuster, sequester, 16 oz. soda ban, financial collapse, bomb Iran, bomb North-Korea, Syrian revolution, Israel, Palestine, Jews, Muslims, Christians, Atheists, Republicans, FOX News, Democrats, baggers, leftists, MSNBC, ad nauseam, ad infinitum…

…can’t we all just fucking get along?

Alvin Lee Still Calling From Beyond The Grave

This part I plagiarized just to save time:

British rock guitarist Alvin Lee, founder of the band Ten Years After who burst to stardom with a memorable Woodstock performance, has died. He was 68.

A statement posted on Lee’s official website said he died Wednesday March 6th unexpectedly from complications following a routine surgical procedure. Lee’s manager, Ron Rainey, said the guitarist died in Spain.

This part is all mine:

I have never been a huge follower of TYA or Alvin Lee. I’m too young to have been in on it from the beginning; about ten years short of being of the true Woodstock generation (which turns out well, or else I would have been 63 instead of my youthful 53 today), but I really like some of their stuff, I recognize their influence on generations hence and it’s always a sad day when a true trailblazer of the art form of Rock and Roll dies, particularly when it’s prematurely. I would say RIP, but I don’t believe in that shit. It was nice to have him around for as long as it lasted, though. He made the world a better place.

Here’s Alvin Lee playing Hear Me Calling in Budapest in 2010.

Here’s Slade, one of the many bands influenced by Lee/Ten Years After doing a helluva cover of Hear Me Calling.

fun? Not Really!

Just watched fun (the band) on SNL. I believe they also were on Stephen Colbert recently. I don’t get it. You get some guys together who can play basic three-chord rock, an androgynous singer who can’t hold a note to save his life, and suddenly they’re the hippest thing since someone came up with the term “I just vomited a little in my mouth”? Gimme a fuckin’ break!

Rock mostly died on December 31st 1979. That’s my story and I’m stickin’ too it!

Long Story Short

My childhood sucked. My father was an asshole. Thankfully he died early. My mother blamed her kids for her own misery. I have poor genes; chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, widespread mild to severe arthritis, thyroid disease (hypothyroidism according to my quack, I mean licensed physician ), a tendency toward pudginess (my mother said I had “big bones”), I don’t easily get along with people and I’m not handsome at all. It’s a miracle that I found a woman and got married, but that’s not what this story is about. Still, a miracle nonetheless.

With all this, in addition to getting older, going against me, I found it increasingly hard to hold on to my entire music collection, and yesterday I got rid of everything, digital and analog, by Ted Nugent. The guy only had two songs anybody remembers to his name; one about venereal disease presented as a cool thing, and another about pussy in a foreign language. I try to put up a strong façade, though, and it’s hard to tell from being around me the ordeal I just went through.

For those of you who don’t understand what I’m trying to say here, don’t worry; it would be very strange indeed if you did.

I made a strong effort to write this post without saying fuck, and I just failed.

Later, fuckers!

Jon Lord Dead

Rock and roll has lost one of its greatest. Jonathan Douglas “Jon” Lord died today, July 16th, 2012 at the age of 71. As a founding member and keyboard player of Deep Purple he will be remembered as one of the true giants of hard rock. Deep Purple and Jon Lord were among my personal all-time favorites and although Jon is gone his music will be with me and make my life more enjoyable until my number comes up. It’s a sad day indeed, but life must go on. Hail Jon!

Jon Lord